The Back of the Box – Our Source of Pressure Copy

I am fortunate to work with clients from around the world and across many different industries and at very different levels within their organization. Regardless of the context in which we meet, there is one unifying trait that everyone shares.

Tension and pressure.

When we talk about that tension people often refer to a “thought in the back of my mind.”  That’s why we put the things that cause us to feel tension in the back of the box.  We may not be thinking about these things all the time, but the thoughts are there, waiting for something to trigger them into action.

To understand how pressure shows up in our thinking, imagine this situation.

You are with two friends, each of whom have a rope tied into a loop.

The person in front of you puts the rope around their waist, and then puts inside the loop with them. If they were to start moving away from you, they would pull you along with them, unless of course you really settle in and create a pulling match.

Now the other friend is behind you with another rope tied around the two of your waists. This friend decides to sit down and relax.

You’re stuck in the middle, and it won’t be uncomfortable as long as there isn’t too much tension in the ropes.

But if your first friend decides to leave and your other friend decides to keep sitting, you are going to feel a painful squeeze really quick.

The squeeze you when you are caught between two pulls is a great metaphor for the tension we feel in life. Let’s break down what each of these pulls are and how it impacts our thinking.

The person in the center represents your current situation. We can refer to this as your current standing point.

To the right is your vision of the future state you want to achieve.  You’ll notice that this is a similar to the puzzling situation image, the difference being that the puzzle is whole and complete. It is a target you feel an emotional connection to, for which you are willing to work to achieve.

That beautiful image of the future has a pull that is represented by the rope that is wrapped around your current standing point and your vision of the future.

The more essential this image of the future is the more creative energy we will have to address it.  For example, I may pick up a crossword puzzle, and after a few attempts, drop it for something else. I don’t feel the need or desire to stretch my brain just to fill out this puzzle. On the other hand, I may have an issue at work which is keeping me or my team from achieving our goals, and with it, my performance bonus. The image of my team succeeding, or the things I can do with my performance bonus will provide more fuel for my creativity.

Let’s use a straightforward example; that of losing weight. I currently weigh 90 kilos. When I set a goal for losing weight, I will not choose 89 kilos as my target.  That small of a difference in results is not going to drive the change in behavior and thinking that I want. I will set my goal for 85 kilos (or as one woman in Beijing told me recently, 80!). When I set the stretch target I use the brighter vision of the future for myself as a means to motivate me.

This is something that every manager knows. Each year they set aggressive targets for their people, and attach performance bonuses to those targets as a way to motivate change.  If half way through the year it looks like the target will easily be met, the manager will increase the goal to keep the pressure up.

If setting a goal was all that was needed to have a better life we could just go take a goal-setting course and all our dreams would come true. Life’s not that easy – while our vision of the future pulls us forward there are forces that pull us back.

And that is where our other friend shows up with a rope and pulls us the other direction, creating that feeling of tension.

And what does this third part of the equation represent?

When I ask participants, the normal responses go a little like this.

“The past.”

“My experience.”

“My worldview.”

And then someone will shout out, “MY BOX!”

Bingo.

The limitations and boundaries of your thinking are what holds you back from moving towards and achieving your goal.

The relationship between your future vision and you thinking creates a kind of tension which shows up as, “I want this, but …”

• “I want to lose weight, but I still want to eat desert.”
• “I want to start a business, but I don’t have enough money.”
• “I want to get a new job, but I don’t have the education or experience.”

Tension and pressure is the result of having a compelling vision of the future that is greater than your current ability to achieve it.

How does this show up in our lives?

Slack

In many areas of our life we don’t feel tension or pressure. Either we have a vision that is easy to achieve, or our current thinking is well designed to achieve the goal. In these cases, there is little if any reason to be creative or make any change.

Ask for more

 

We explain that when we set a goal, whatever that goal may be, we usually think we can do it, “I’m going to lose this much weight in this much time.”; “I’m going to make this much money in this much time.”; “I’m going to travel around the world before I’m thirty.”

Let’s make one thing clear, we set these goals (on in some cases our boss or family set goals for us) because we want to increase the level of tension to the point where we will change our thinking and behaviors to support the future vision. We know that to lose weight we have to exercise more and eat less. But to change our eating and exercise behaviors isn’t easy. So we create an image of the future that is strong enough to compel ourselves to make the changes to the left and right side of our box so that we can attain our greater objective.

We want to create enough tension between our current standing point and our future vision to force us to make some movement.

Perservere/Suck it up

But then life happens and it becomes more difficult and more challenging – and as it becomes more challenging, the vision goes further away. As our vision moves away and we realize that we aren’t moving towards it, we feel pressure and tension.  We tell ourselves that things are ok, put our head down, and push our way through the tough times.

When my first child was born my wife and I were unprepared for the change this would bring to our daily lives. The crying, the diapers, the adjustment of our work and social schedule. I remember talking with my wife about this one day and saying, “Honey, we can’t put the baby back. We just have to keep moving forward and find our way.”

Sometimes the best response to pressure is to just persevere, and keep moving as much as you can.

Eventually, we get to a point where we have to relieve the pressure. And because we set our vision for ourselves, the easy solution to the pain is to just settle for less.

Reduce the Vision/Settle for less

At first the person in the middle is able to “suck it up” and handle the pressure. But as the vision moves farther away, there comes a point where they must say “I’ve had enough!”

When they ask for relief from that pressure, we move the vision of the future closer to the focus person.

At that moment two things happen. The first thing is as the tension in the ropes is released, they will take a small step backwards.  The second thing is that they will breathe a sigh of relief.

When they settle for less, it feels better, but they moved backwards.

Settling for less provides a sense of relief, but that relief usually doesn’t last; one week, one month or one year later we again feel the tension. We haven’t asked for more; we are still living with our new vision of the future yet we still feel pressure – and when that becomes unbearable, we again might settle for less. Again, there is an initial sense of release … and this becomes a pattern. When we can’t get what we want, the simple answer is to reduce our level of expectation. We might blame the market, the context, the boss or whatever, but deep down inside, there is a thought that something is missing.

Adjusting our vision and settling for less may not always be a bad thing – there are times when it might be the very best solution – but it’s not the most creative response.

Before we settle for less, we should explore the anchor that is holding us back – our current thinking.

Increase Pressure

Sometimes we need to increase the vision of the future to build even more pressure.  Why would we do that? To create enough discomfort in the level of pressure we are feeling to make us uncomfortable enough to be willing to explore the limitations of our thinking and “think out of the box.”

Be creative

 

An alternative response to that tension is to acknowledge the discomfort and look to our box – to our thinking and limiting beliefs – and ask whether we can adjust our thinking to be more in line with our goals, rather than moving our goals to be in line with our thinking? If we change our thinking, we may find ourselves taking a baby step forward toward the goal rather than step back that settling for less creates, and from that position we can ask for more.

 

 But to move our thinking is going to require us to leave our comfort zone (the chair) and make some adjustments to our thinking.  If those changes in our thinking are in alignment with our vision of the future we relieve the pressure while allowing ourselves to move forward.

Emotions are the signal for creativity.

Not many people are looking for more tension and pressure in life, but almost everyone says they want to be more creative. The problem is that we think of think of pressure as a negative thing that needs to be avoided.  Peter Senge refers to this as ‘creative tension.’ in his book, The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of the Learning Organization, and describes it as a signal for the need to be more creative rather than something to avoided.

How do we know we need to be creative? By paying attention to the emotions that let tension and pressure generate.

There are many varying responses here as different people respond differently to tension and pressure. For some it shows up as frustration, anger, or determination. Others experience helplessness, resentment, guilt or shame. There is no “right or wrong” in terms of how we feel or respond under this pressure.  The key is to not see that pressure as a bad thing, but rather a signal for need for creativity.

An effective way to identify your own need for creativity is by filling in this sentence:

I want (goal) ___________, but I think (belief) ______________, so I feel (emotion) ______.

Or

I feel (emotion) _________ because I want (goal) _________ but I think (belief) _____.

2. but I think… (belief)	3. so I feel.. (emotion)	1. I want (goal)

 

It is important to identify the emotions you feel when you are experiencing tension because this is your signal for creativity. If we can change our thinking from, “I feel too much pressure at work,” to “I am experiencing creative tension which is the fuel for my creativity,” we will find ourselves with more energy to create and try alternatives.

Our box may serve us well 90 percent of the time but it is the ten percent of the time when our box is not working for us that keeps us awake at night or makes us anxious, or frustrated.

The tension we experience in the back of the is a signal that our current thinking is not giving us the results we want and that we need to be creative.